Danger in the car!

Bad news.

We found a spider in the car.

An enormous spider.

Kate, then 10 years old, was in the passenger seat. She hadn’t spotted it yet, but I could see the spider crawling by her window. I spoke to her calmly.

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So calm.

But inside I was like:

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“Why?” Kate asked. I replied, “Because there is a spider…” and before I finished the sentence, she was in the third row.

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The spider was scuttling about on the passenger side, up and down the windshield. It was unnervingly fast. And so big. I tried to remain calm and concentrate on driving, but my steely exterior was beginning to crumble.

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As soon as I could, I pulled off the freeway so I could “eliminate” the problem. But by then the spider had slipped down into the vents along the top of the dashboard.

Kate and I were headed to the airport–flying out of town for the weekend–so we didn’t have time to spare. I calmly resumed driving.

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At the airport, we screeched into a parking spot, grabbed our bags, and jumped out of the car. As we walked toward the terminal, we decided the best–and truly only–option at that point was to sell the car. We could post it on Craigslist and sell it right there out of the airport parking lot when we returned. We would not mention the spider unless the buyer specifically asked: Is there an ENORMOUS spider lurking in the car?

I called Jack to let him know we would be selling the car, and we would need a ride home from the airport. He wasn’t totally on board.

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When we returned from our trip, we thoroughly checked the car with my iPhone flashlight. Or, rather, I checked the car while Kate stood 20 feet away yelling, “Mom? Do you see anything? MOM?”

I saw nothing. The spider was still at large, but we were going to have to drive home.

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Before I got behind the wheel, I had a talk with myself. “Adrienne,” I said, “there is a chance this spider could appear ON you while you’re on the freeway. You will need to keep driving the car. You cannot crash.”

I forced myself to picture the spider as a friendly little chap, perhaps with a top hat and a cane.

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The top hat and cane got me thinking about other tiny outfits and accessories that you could put on a spider (A princess hat? Itty-bitty leg warmers? )…

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… and before I knew it we were home.

Where’s the spider now? Who knows. Probably emerging every night to eat crumbs off the floor of the car and do a spider Crossfit workout.

Could he explode through the dashboard at any moment? Yes. I’m fully expecting that to happen. But I’m trying to keep my cool.

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And so are the children, from their hiding spot in the way, WAY back.

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Wish us luck.

21 comments

  1. I once walked out to my car and found a giant spider on my dashboard. I took it as a sign that I needed to stay home for the day instead of going to a meeting and running errands.

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  2. I’m crying with laughter this morning! Thank you! I’m the spider killer at my house but I would freak if one was crawling inside the car… You are a brave woman!

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  3. Spiders can be immortal – as long as they have a food supply and proper climate. They don’t “wear out” and get old like the rest of the world… SELL THE CAR.

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  4. Our house is over 115 years old. Nice dirt basement with a 4 foot ceiling…LOTS of spiders. Wife and 3 kids…and dad is the designated spider killer. I’ll come home from work to flipped over furniture, shoes all over the house, and random things on the floor.

    Me – “What happened here?”

    Them – “There was SPIDER!!! You weren’t home, we tried to kill it. We threw stuff at it and it wouldn’t DIE!”

    Me – “Dip you try PUTTING on a shoe and stepping on it?”

    Them – “What good would that do? It was huge!!!! It was as big as the cat!!!!”

    So we have extremely rare, extremely large SUPER Spiders that I have yet to see.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Similar story…driving on the freeway towards San Jose, CA, a couple of folks and I were speaking about our experiences with bees, yellow jackets, and the like.

    All of a sudden, a huge, carpenter been pops out of nowhere…and of course, it was right next to me as I am driving. And my car did not have power windows so I had to drive, while slowly roll down the window manually. Luckily, it just flew out. How I did not crash that day is beyond me!

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  6. Back in my young-mom days, when I had one child (he was three), I was walking through my bedroom when I saw a bumblebee buzzing along the curtains. I don’t know what the world record is for dashing through a bedroom and slamming the door behind one, but I think I broke it. I decided that door could stay shut until my husband came home from work…and then I thought, NO. Dammit. This bumblebee will not control my life. I armed myself with the vacuum cleaner and sucked it up through the hose, and then put the vacuum cleaner out in the garage.

    When my husband came home, he was duly informed that the vacuum contained a dangerous bumblebee and needed to be decontaminated.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I do that totally-pretending-to-be-calm-thing, when there is a spider in the house.
    Pointing out to my son how interesting it is, and what type it might be.

    While inside I am: “Iiiiihhhhhhh, deadly huge poisonous (there are no poisonous spiders in my country) monster wanting to attack me, someone adult please save me (but the only adult in the family is me)”.

    And then I pick it up with a piece of paper and a glass, because animals are our friends (while my instincts go: “Kill the bastard!”).

    Mothers are superheroes.

    Liked by 1 person

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